I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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