I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
