it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
