Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
