I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
