So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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