If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
