apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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