So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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