Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just want nice things and good sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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