So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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