God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
