I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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