oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pooping to opera.
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