I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
