I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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