I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
