On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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