How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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