hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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