it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
