i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
