More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
