Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
