its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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