At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
