R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
