butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
