My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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