While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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