dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
