You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
