Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
