sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
