i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
