he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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