he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
