its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
