I just saw a hot homeless man
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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