Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
