Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
