We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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