My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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