I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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