You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
