Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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