maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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