can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
