I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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