...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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