oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
