Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Say something about gay babies.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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