Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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