Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
